The big question I am asking right now

How do I walk with You?

My Story

I was born with a fraternal twin sister. My dad was an upper-level manager and probably an alcoholic. My mom went back to work as soon as we entered school. Her work as a teacher made her tired and irritable much of the time. I learned that if I behaved “perfectly” I could usually avoid conflict. We moved around a lot. Sometimes I had school friends, other times I didn’t, but that was ok when I was a kid. I had my sister, I enjoyed reading, and that was enough. My favorite memories were of summers spent with my sister and cousins at my grandparents’ ranch. At the ranch, I was free to be me. I knew Jesus from storybook Bibles and from going to church with our grandmother. My immediate family seldom went to church. I walked away from Jesus in seventh grade, when I started feeling peer pressure to start going down the wrong path. I remember saying, “See ya later, Jesus. I have a lot of living to do.” In college, I majored in Engineering and met my future husband, Robert. During my freshman year, a professor convinced me that the Bible was not trustworthy. I concluded that I had better not count on God to take care of me, I needed to provide for myself. I worked very hard in college, and later put in long hours at my job as an Industrial engineer. When our first child was born, the weight of caring for her and working full-time became unbearable. While taking a shower one night, trying to drown out the sound of her crying, I remembered that Jesus had said, “Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” I turned back to Him at that moment and asked Him to give me that rest. Our priorities began changing and we joined a conservative Presbyterian church. When our second child was about a year old, my heart started telling me that I needed a job more compatible with motherhood. When I approached Robert about it, he said he thought he could expand his construction business if I could help him part-time with the bookkeeping. I gave up my engineering career to work from home. Many blessings came from that step of faith. Shortly after that, I joined a spiritual formation group at church. I was surrounded by people who believed the Bible is totally trustworthy. When reading my homework assignment, I met Jesus in Mark 1:41, where He tells the leper He is willing to make him clean. It felt like He was talking directly to me! I knew I needed to learn more about this wonderful Savior. I began to study the bible several hours a day. I became convinced that God’s Word is truth. But my very conservative theology brought me into conflict with several people in my life, including my husband. I felt very alone at that time. I told God, just put me on the front lines, this world is not my home. Shortly after that, God started teaching me how to pray for others. I started praying daily with a woman who had advanced cancer. During that time, I learned the truth of James 5:15, “the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up.” I joined the Prayer Team, received training, and served in that capacity from 2005-2009. In 2012, my husband came down with chronic fatigue syndrome. During that ordeal, he decided to pursue faith again. We joined a mainline church with the idea that he would feel comfortable there. We tried it for a while but eventually we decided it would be okay for us to go to different churches. In the summer of 2018, a friend encouraged me to try her church. It was a great time of refreshment, and helped me decide to pursue a master’s degree in theology. Then the pandemic hit. I started having physical problems including severe reflux and nerve pain. The only treatment offered was pain killers, but I believed the cause was stress. I started looking for emotional and spiritual solutions. That is when I found two healing communities: Al-Anon and the ONE Hearing God practice sessions, both of which started dramatically changing the way I looked at God and myself. Now I’m back at the Presbyterian Church and active with the Prayer Team again. I’m looking forward to continuing to grow in my relationship with God and growing into who He made me to be, with the help of ONE.